My husband Jeff has been doing job training6 states awaythe lastcouple weeks. I’ve been hit, just today actually, with the sharp realization of how important the masculine/feminine balance is in the home.
My kids miss their dad like crazy. Ashard asI try, I cannot muster up the samekick-back (yetrobust) energythatmy husband has. How is it that themore I try to behearty and coolthe moremy children think an alien has infiltrated their mother’s life form?
I have a lump in my throat at the prospect of him not coming back. I know he will, but there’s that anxiety-ridden little”what if”nagging at the back of my mind. What if he dies in a plane crash? What if he has a brain aneurysm?
I am the queen of what ifs.Jeff always laughs at me when I ask completely ridiculous hypothetical questions like, “If I gained 100 pounds, would you still be attracted to me?” or “If I had a stroke and became a vegetable, would you keep a vigil by my bedside?”
How many morbid scenarios can Ipaint before Iinternalize this man’s unconditional love? It’s times like these, in his absence, that I realize I’ve taken for granted how blessed I am. I have a husbandwho supports my dedication to stay-at-home motherhood while simultaneously booting me out the door to forward mylife mission. I’ve taken for granted the fact that he “sees” me. I’ve taken for grantedhis very presence.
I was looking for something on my computer today andran acrossthis silly picture of us.He took iton arandom Saturday morninglast year while we were out walking. It’s completely geeky, but compounded the lump in my throat.
I’m not even sure if he knows how much I miss him, because every time he calls I am in the middle of settling fights between children, cleaning up dog puke, knee-deep in projects, trying to decide what to make for dinner, making dinner,pulling through the driveway at Wendy’s to pretend to make dinner, running kids to sports and music, reminding kids to practice sports and music…and a myriad of other second-priority-to-wifehood duties.
I just taught Divine Order at a conferenceon Saturday: God, Self, Family, Humanity, Earth. If a womanis married, her husband isher highest family priority. Why is it so easy to blaze right past the masculine creature?
I have some ideas on that, but I’ll expound later. That lump in my throat is not just about anxiety at the prospect of not having my husband come back. It is a boat-load of unexpressed words that need totake form.
I have a phone call to make