By Her Own Hand

Oh, how my heart aches today for my friend whose 17-year-old daughter just took her own life. Jessica was (is) a beautiful girl with so much love inside, so much kindness and empathy. An empathy born of her own struggles with despair and hopelessness. Able to see pain in another’s eyes because of the pain behind her own.
In her obituary, written by her grieving father:

She was employed at a Senior Living Center, where she shared compassion, friendship, and service to the elderly residents with whom she loved with her whole soul. She was happiest when she was serving others, and had many cherished and spiritual experiences with these elderly friends….[Jessica had] an enormous heart filled with compassion for others, especially the elderly, the disabled, children, and animals.

I was saddened to hear about Marie Osmond’s son who also recently took his life; Bryan, 18 years old. His funeral service was earlier this week:

Bryan was memorialized by six of his seven siblings as a lighthearted person and a deep thinker who had a brilliant sense of humor and a kind, generous heart…An accomplished musician, Bryan played five instruments and wrote his own songs. He was also dedicated to service and since high school had been working with special needs children.

Every person I’ve known who has attempted and completed suicide (my sister included) has had a sensitive, kind, warm and generous heart with a deep desire to serve others. How the arms of mercy must sweep towards these gifted and Sensitive Ones who suffer with despair, who have struggled so desperately to feel at home on this Earth…
Last year I helped my dear young friend in Provo work through the trauma of walking into the aftermath of her 18-year-old neighbor’s suicide. This sweet 18-year-old shot herself after a break-up with her boyfriend and a long history of clinical depression. I was heartsick for my friend, who’d been directed by the Spirit to walk directly into this scene prior to the police’s arrival and succor the boyfriend, the mother, the roommates. A stronger lady than I.
I really become affected when I hear about suicides, even if I don’t know the person. Since the 2005 suicide of my sister Shawna, a mother and musician, I have developed a deep compassion for those who die by their own hand. My spirit yearns to pierce the veil and throw my arms around that lovely, precious soul. Tell them how much the Earth still needs them…the elderly, the animals, the children. The music.
I wish I could take every suffering and hopeless mortal daughter of God, sit her down on my couch, hold her hands in mine, look her straight in the eyes and somehow “download” into her mind and heart the love the Heavens have for her.
Then again, Christ has this covered – for the mortal and the immortal ones. He can throw His arms around all the lovely, precious souls my arms can’t reach. He downloads the love of the Heavens all the time. Those who have ears to hear will hear.
If only the suffering Sensitive Ones would really just hear.
I truly believe that the measure of creation for many of the Sensitive Ones is to walk this Earth with a deep comprehension of suffering. They develop profound compassion and a wellspring of tenderness and love from understanding pain.

Sometimes He allows these souls to come Home early so He can release them from the fetters of this mortal sphere. So they can finally rest in peace, in the safety of His arms. So He can bathe their wounds with His healing hands and presence.
I can tell you that He welcomed my sister, instantly, without reserve or judgment.
As I know He does with all of us.

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