Here’s to Husbands

My husband Jeff has been doing job training 6 states away the last couple weeks.  I’ve been hit, just today actually, with the sharp realization of how important the masculine/feminine balance is in the home.

My kids miss their dad like crazy.  As hard as I try, I cannot muster up the same kick-back (yet robust) energy that my husband has.  How is it that the more I try to be hearty and cool the more my children think an alien has infiltrated their mother’s life form?

I have a lump in my throat at the prospect of him not coming back.  I know he will, but there’s that anxiety-ridden little “what if” nagging at the back of my mind.  What if he dies in a plane crash?  What if he has a brain aneurysm?

I am the queen of what ifs.  Jeff always laughs at me when I ask completely ridiculous hypothetical questions like, “If I gained 100 pounds, would you still be attracted to me?” or “If I had a stroke and became a vegetable, would you keep a vigil by my bedside?”

How many morbid scenarios can I paint before I internalize this man’s unconditional love?  It’s times like these, in his absence, that I realize I’ve taken for granted how blessed I am.  I have a husband who supports my dedication to stay-at-home motherhood while simultaneously booting me out the door to forward my life mission.  I’ve taken for granted the fact that he “sees” me.  I’ve taken for granted his very presence.

I was looking for something on my computer today and ran across this silly picture of us. He took it on a random Saturday morning last year while we were out walking.  It’s completely geeky, but compounded the lump in my throat.

copy 3 of leland and robins new house 019

I’m not even sure if he knows how much I miss him, because every time he calls I am in the middle of settling fights between children, cleaning up dog puke, knee-deep in projects, trying to decide what to make for dinner, making dinner, pulling through the driveway at Wendy’s to pretend to make dinner, running kids to sports and music, reminding kids to practice sports and music…and a myriad of other second-priority-to-wifehood duties.

I just taught Divine Order at a conference on Saturday:  God, Self, Family, Humanity, Earth.  If a woman is married, her husband is her highest family priority.  Why is it so easy to blaze right past the masculine creature?

I have some ideas on that, but I’ll expound later.  That lump in my throat is not just about anxiety at the prospect of not having my husband come back.  It is a boat-load of unexpressed words that need to take form.

I have a phone call to make


On New Years Day, which also happens to be my “Birthday Eve” I love to set goals.    My old way of setting goals was writing down everything I wanted to accomplish and all the steps to making it happen.  I thought this was an effective way of putting things in motion and setting forth change.

It usually wasn’t.  At least not for more than a month.

When I found out about the concept of Dream Boards (displaying visuals of your goals/wants in a place you can see everyday), I was all over it.  I absolutely believe that if you can see it, you can create it.

Many spiritual teachers claim the Universe is there, waiting to bring us what we want as long as we focus on it.  This is like claiming God is our servant, rather than the other way around.  Many followers of God buy into the dangerous practice of creating posters of dream homes and cars and vacations and bodies that they somehow deserve because they are focused and positive.  They attend seminars on how to “think rich” and pour over books written by those who have gotten or created everything they’ve dreamed about.   It can be fun to dream of those things, and it’s motivating to have something to work towards.  But what should our motivation really be, if not a beautiful home, a beautiful body and beautiful things?

The scriptures say the LOVE OF GOD should be our motivation for everything we do.  This life is an exercise in sacrifice and surrender; a continual process of putting our wants second.  God loves us and wants to bring us all the desires of our hearts, but He is a God of order and His Universe flows with unchanging, eternal laws.  We are not entitled to blessings simply because we are loved by God.  We are entitled to blessings because of our humility and obedience to Him.

So, on New Years Day 2010, I decided that instead of a Dream Board, I would create a “BE” Board.  A visual display of the innermost desires of my heart…what I want to BECOME…not HAVE.  This is what I created and it now hangs in my bedroom:


I found a 16″X 20″ frame on sale, got some sheet metal at Home Depot, had my husband cut the sheet metal to fit the frame with metal snips, bought some fabric I loved, fit it over the sheet metal, hot glued the edges of the fabric to the sheet metal, and put it in the frame.  I’ve always loved scrapbooking and paper piecing, so it was fun to plow through my scraps and letters and tags and stickers and doo-dads.  I printed the images of my “dreams” from Google Images.  I stole the cute flower magnets from my fridge.    After my big New Years creative spurt — Voila…my Be Board.

As an explanation:

The Hannah’s Promise poster is remind me of my waiting son whom I have every confidence will come to me in my “old age”…just like Samuel came to Hannah in hers.  (My waiting daughter, too, but there was no poster of that).  Read my post on The Two Who Are Missing for the full scoop.  Oh, and Hannah’s poster is also to remind me that my true heroes are Women of Profound Faith.

The Ireland pic is to remind me of the ancestors I have from that land that I feel reaching out to me, supporting me in my issues and calling to me to help clear theirs.  We are spiritually and emotionally linked, even though I have no earthly record of them.  I would love to travel to my “homeland” and do some genealogical research (me maiden name is LYNCH…which half the blymied country’s last name ees, so t’weel bee a wee bit challengin’!).  That actual picture feels like home to me; like somewhere I’ve been before.

The Healthy Woman thing is about radiating a glow of health, not a perfect body.  In times past, I would have posted my goal weight or perfect wanna-be size so that I could see that “number” as a reminder.  This display felt much better with my spirit.  I’d rather be energetic and refined than depleted and skinny.

One of these is hard to see, but it’s Trip with Savannah.  I promised my daughter when she was about 9 (at the height of our belting-out-Broadway-tunes-in-the-car phase) that when she turned 12, I would take her to New York City – just the two of us – and we’d go to Broadway musical after Broadway musical after Broadway musical.  She turns 12 this year.  I am not sure how I am going to create it (those years came at me fast), but I will.  More than sitting in an audience watching the stage light up….I look forward to sitting next to my precious daughter and watching her eyes do so.

Women/Blog.  Kind of self-explanatory…  I knew I wanted to create a blog that would reach the hearts of women this year.  At the time I created this Be Board, I didn’t have any idea how to do it.  But about a month later, this generous and talented young man named Ofir Ramirez, whom the Lord placed across the street from us, offered to get my blog designed and out there pro-bono.  Notice that underneath the words Women and Blog there is a book.  That is ultimately what I would like to finish this year…that book I have been working on forever (sigh)…

My little sign that says Love All… well, it’s one of the phrases that keeps coming to me.  I know that without the pure love of Christ (or charity), I am absolutely nothing.  So even if I become healthy and wealthy and wise and bless the lives of all kinds of people the world over, if I am not a source of love and acceptance, it’s all in vain.

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, andunderstand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing….And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”  (1 Cor. 13:1-3, 13)

This, I believe, is probably one of the most important scriptures there is.  Charity is even higher than faith 🙂  So, if I’m gonna create a BE Board, I have to include Love.  What am I, if I can’t Be love?  I have far to go in this department, but the deepest desire of my heart is to be a master at Pure Love.

Surrender…sweet surrender.  My buzzword the last couple of years.  It’s probably the concept I feel called to teach about most.  Relinquishing our will for His, letting go of what is wanted for what is best, soul recognition of our powerlessness, stillness in moments.  INTERESTINGLY, God allowed a barrage of life experiences…within TWO WEEKS of my creating this Be Board to help me understand and realize this spiritual concept more fully.   Read about that here.  Now, when I look at that word “Surrender” on my board, I am filled with gratitude for the perfect way He teaches.

And of course, the painting of the woman and Jesus, in a warm and friendly, relaxed exchange. At One.  This is my ultimate mortal goal.  I wish to Be One with my Savior.  THE way I master Pure Love is to become one with the Source who is.  I am learning all I can on this, and it is breathtaking.  Can’t wait to share.


My friend Jennifer sent me this beautiful poem by Sir Thomas Browne.  It spoke to me deeply:

If thou coulds’t empty all thyself of self,
Like to a shell dishabited,
Then might He find thee on the ocean shelf
And say, “This is not dead,”
And fill thee with Himself instead.
But thou are very replete with very thou
And hast such shrewd activity
That when He comes He says, “This is enow
Unto itself – ’twere better let it be,
It is so small and full, there is no room for me.”

empty shell

Captain, My Captain

I feel at the the beginnings stages of this blog going forward, I may as well put this out there:

My soul is bursting to express itself through words as a form of praise to my Creator.  I write to Him – above all organizations, peoples and Earth forms – regardless of their brilliance, truths and perfections.  He is who I answer to, look to first, listen to…first.

Christ Walking On Shoreline 001

I really have nothing to prove to anyone but Him.   Jesus Christ is my main audience.   I mean yes, I speak and write for the well-being of my own soul and I lend my voice to provide insight and direction to like-minded Truth Seekers, but He is ultimately the Source of all that insight and direction.   And for that matter, He’s the reason I’m even a Truth Seeker to begin with.

He gets it (the intricacies, heartbreaks and beauties of being a woman) and I’m just trying to play catch-up as a mortal female.   Every time I’ve plopped into the captain’s chair, the winds swell a little stronger than my skill level.   Either that, or the seas may be so calm that I get a little too comfy/cozy at the wheel.

I used to think that because I was a living, breathing creation I was entitled to captain hood (is that even a word?).  But the thing is, I’m a co-captain.  I am “a” captain, but not THE Captain.

With that said, I still find this so incredibly inspiring:

I Am the Captain of My Soul

Out of the night that covers me
black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
my head is bloody, but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
looms but the horror of the shade
and yet the menace of the years
finds, and shall find me, unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate
how charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul

by William Earnest Henley

I think what Henley so beautifully pens is that no matter how strong the wind and the waves, we can choose to hold fear or courage.  God will never usurp authority over our self-governance.   He can “man the sails” of our storms by diminishing the fear and magnifying the courage, but it is WE who ultimately decide whether to let Him.

The highest way to self-govern is to relinquish your Station in the captain’s chair to the One at the helm of the skies and the seas and the wind…at the very helm of the human captain herself.

“…What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him!”  (Matthew 8:27)

The manner of man I want to follow.

Despite my deep longing to follow His lead, I find that sometimes that co-captain’s chair is not the easiest Station to take.  But then again, Sacred ones never are.

Meaning of Sacred Stations

If you haven’t noticed already, there are heavy nautical and cartographical references within the context of Sacred Stations.   There’s a method to my madness.   It’s kind of my way of piecing parts of this whole “Earth Plan” into grand perspective.

Plus, I like metaphors and analogies a little too much, probably.

Here’s my overall gist:

The feminine soul in and of itself can become a Sacred Station (or vessel) of light, Truth, beauty and power.  Earth School holds gifts for every woman as she passes through Sacred Stations (or lessons) in divinely appointed times and seasons.  Her premortal, mortal and postmortal Sacred Stations (or spheres of existence) hold eternal potential in hope, light, love, joy and Truth.

leonardos-woman1-254x300Each daughter of God is trying to navigate a spiritual/emotional body of light (her spirit) through a dense physical sphere of darkness (her body and surroundings) to ultimately arrive at her promised land, or “fullness of joy”.

Being aware of and nurturing the dimensions of her soul (spirit + body) is one of the most challenging tasks of her Earth School experience.

compass-rose4She needs divine direction (her personalized “celestial compass rose“) to orient her towards joy, beauty and wholeness…a state of divine feminine balance.

More importantly, a woman must awaken to who she really is (her original Map or divine blueprint) and counsel with her Mapmaker (God, the Father) at every Station in the journey, as He is the one who is preparing her promised land and has designed a Chosen Course specifically for her.

whiteassnowA woman’s challenge is to receive her Station with the Captain (Jesus Christ), as He guides her through an individual process of sanctification.  Then together – as One –  they journey to her land of glorious promise.

Topics That Sing to Me

Here are some topics I’ll be writing about, within the order of the Sacred Stations, that sing to me… and beg to be explored:

  • Walking the highest path – the path of sanctification.
  • Understanding the implications of Divine Femininity and the fullness of womanhood.
  • Glorious motherhood.
  • Making the Earth experience joyous and glorious, as it was intended.
  • Receiving what is wanted (the desires of our hearts).
  • Claiming authentic power through becoming One with Christ.
  • Calling forth our beauty, gifts, and personal mission.
  • Reclaiming the lost feminine arts.
  • Acquiring Godly (vs. Worldly) Confidence.
  • Healing depression.
  • Learning how to love without limits.
  • Learning from the Ancient Ones and the Noble and Great Females.
  • Becoming His beloved and chosen.
  • Creating the life we were born to live – the life of our dreams – in a partnership with the Creator.
  • Operating and “being” from our “celestial center.”
  • Understanding and honoring Divine Order.
  • Creating balance as a woman.
  • Using soft power to nurture, influence and heal.
  • Incorporating daily Sacred Routines for peace and centeredness.
  • Giving ourselves spiritual permission to SHINE.